I have several pet peeves with how the media handles different topics but my biggest issue is with the idea of romance being ingrained in our minds. From the perspective of a woman, it seems as though the be all and end all of my life should be finding a partner. And what sort of partner? Usually the rom com stereotype is of the philandering man who apparently loves me but doesn't realise it while he's sleeping with 100s of other women. The onus lies on me, to be so spectacular that the man realizes his mistake and finally decides that he loves me. That I turn this abrasive, aggressive individual into someone worthy of love. I am responsible for uncovering the soft at heart romantic underneath the cover of sexism, meanness and casual sex. Honestly, no I don’t love the way you lie. No, I refuse to be accountable for your actions. I'm not your Robin, or your Simran. My love will not make you a better man. You will still be a misogynistic man child despite my best efforts. You don’t need love, you need help. Get therapy and get out of my life. (Ross, Raj, Rahul I'm looking at you.) For some reason, the construct of romance leaves us with soft spots for men that are absolutely the worst. We root for the possessive boyfriend who punches another man to prove his love, we swoon at the grand gesture where he turns up at the airport and asks her not to leave. Sorry but I'm not your property and if you ask me to leave a career opportunity to be with you, boy bye. If you love me so much, why don’t you pack up and come with me? And seriously what's up with all of the big moments in movies?! Showing up at my house when I don’t want to see you isn’t love, it's stalking. I don’t want a room full of flowers or my name written in the sky. I want respect. You'd bring me the moon, you'd do anything for me except what I ask for. You'd cross oceans for me but you won’t leave me alone if I ask you to.
I find it so wrong that we normalise this idea that if we love someone, we would want to be around them all the time. Because to be honest, that sounds mildly insane to me. Surprising as it may sound, I actually like my own company. I like healthy boundaries and a sense of privacy. When Taylor swift sings “Marry me Juliet, you’ll never have to be alone.” in Love Story, I immediately think, god what a nightmare. It’s unhealthy to believe that one person can be everything to us for eternity. That they can satisfy all our needs or grow and evolve with us forever. Even if a relationship doesn’t last forever, that doesn’t mean it wasn’t useful. Maybe that’s what we needed then. Maybe we need something else now. And that’s okay.
Real relationships have kinks and no, love doesn’t conquer all. We shouldn’t grow up being conditioned to believe that we must make love work, no matter what the cost. Self-respect cannot be sacrificed at the altar of romance. We shouldn’t collectively sigh when the protagonists declare they can’t live without each other. I had a life before you, I will have one after you. I don’t want you chasing planes to stop me from flying off. I want you to be clapping when I’m chasing my dreams. And if you can’t live without me, then die. You’re not my child, you’re not my responsibility.
And at the end of the day, why am I not enough? Why do our rom coms always show strong women with meaningful friendships and successful careers pining after romance? There is no gigantic void in our life that only a man can fulfil. I don’t need to be good enough to get myself a man, I only need to be good enough for myself. My life doesn't begin or end at the end of the aisle. It continues every day in being satisfied with myself and what I accomplish and how I make those in my life feel. I love all my friends with all my heart. I could never love a romantic partner with any more intensity. So I don’t understand why we're made to believe that the friend zone is where love goes to die. Friendship is to me the purest form of love. Romance just adds attraction to the mix. So why don’t we romanticize friendship? Why do we teach kids that boys and girls can never be friends? That platonic is puny when compared to sexual tension. Being friends with someone is not settling. So to everyone who says romance is dead in this day and age, I say good. It's about time. We glorify romantic love as the peak of life's success. We place on a pedestal the idea of compromise and suffering together. Because if you love someone then you'll take them at their worst. Because if you love them you'll love them unconditionally. Today to that I say no. The only relationship I need to maintain forever is with myself. I don't want marriage or two children. I don't need a partner to feel complete. I am whole by myself. In my happy ever after, I choose myself.
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